The Book in 3 Sentences
- The book brings under the spotlight the identity issues parents and their children encounter in modern Japanese society through becoming too dependent on one another by telling a story of an engaged couple and the fiancée’s family.
- The book reveals how challenging it can be for us in Japan to free ourselves from peer pressure by pointing out how we let our society speak so loud in our heads that shockingly, not many of us are even aware of our own desires, let alone have the courage to put them before what they believe the society desires from us.
- Given such social expectations and challenges to fight against them, the book portrays what goes on inside of us and when we take the action of “choosing” something or someone.
Impressions
How Did I Discover It?
I found this book among the many others that were displayed as the bestsellers in a bookstore. I was feeling like reading a story, and since I was just finishing a story of a girl and her mother, I thought reading another of similar character settings would be interesting.
Who Should Read It?
- I will be surprised if any Japanese females who were raised by their mothers in Japan find the book unrelatable to their lives.
- I will be interested to know how relatable the book is also for those who were brought up in societies outside Japan.
How the Book Changed Me
- In the book, my situation is rather closer to Mami’s (the fiancée’s) older sister — I left my hometown when I was 16 and since then, I have mostly lived away from my family. I recall the moments when I felt very scared just like Mami says, at the thought that as long as I live under my parents’ roof, “I will be incorporated into their system. Unless I leave the house, I must play by my mother’s rules and will never get the freedom to build ‘my own house’”.
- As much as I’m grateful to my parents for all their parenting, I do not regret my decision to live away from them at the age I was. That’s how I was ever able to “graduate” from the identity they built for me and began learning who I am.
- At the same time, I wonder how I can make sure my future children will be able to have the freedom to express themselves and form healthy relationships with their parents (me) and society. From the book, I think one way is to stay aware they are separate beings from us, and thus their will always deserves respect however different they grow from ours.
My Top 3 Quotes
- 「現代の日本人は、目に見える身分差別はもうないですけれど、一人一人が自分の価値に重きを置きすぎていて、皆さん傲慢です。その一方で、善良に生きている人ほど親の言いつけを守り、誰かに決めてもらうことが多すぎて、”自分がない”ということになってしまう。傲慢さと善良さが、矛盾なく同じ人の中に存在してしまう、不思議な時代なのだと思います」” In modern Japanese society, while there is no longer visible class-discrimination, each person places too much importance on their own value, and thus, everyone is arrogant. On the other hand, people who are virtuous tend to abide by their parents’ instructions more than those who aren’t and often let others make decisions for them, which leads them to feel selfless. It’s a strange age when arrogance and kindness coexist inside one person without causing contradiction. ” — the owner of a marriage agency Mami used to use telling her fiancé when she disappeared
- 「真実さんを含め、親御さんに言われて婚活される方の大半は、結婚などせずに、このままずっと変わりたくない、というのが本音でしょう。（中略）そのまま、変わらないことを選択する勇気もない。婚活をしない、独身でいる、ということを選ぶ意思さえないんです」” The truth is that most of the people, including Mami, who decide to get married because they have been told by their parents, do not wish any changes including marriage in their lives forever. […] However, they don’t even have the courage to resist change. Nor do they have the intention to act against marriage and stay single. ” —the owner of a marriage agency Mami used to use telling her fiancé when she disappeared
- 苦労がないよう、よりよい道を。陽子がそう本心から信じていることはわかる。それでも思ってしまう。よかれと思っていたとしてもーそれは、支配ではないか。” Preparing a better way so that she does not have to suffer. I know that Yoko (Mami’s mother) truly believes that is what she’s done for Mami. However, I still think even if it is out of love for her daughter, it is to keep Mami under her control and take away her freedom to be an individual. ” —Mami’s fiancé taking a critical view of her mother’s parenting