Being raised by two doctors, I was always surrounded by highly educated people.

Now, approaching my 30s and starting to think about building a family of my own, I find myself reflecting more on the kind of parenting I received — and the kind I want to give.

高学歴親という病 (The Illness Called Highly Educated Parents) by Naoko Narita isn’t a groundbreaking parenting manual, nor does it try to be.

Instead, it offers a quiet but piercing reminder of what often gets lost in the pursuit of “doing things right” as a parent: emotional presence, trust, and humility.

The Book in 3 Sentences

• Naoko Narita’s The Illness Called Highly Educated Parents（『高学歴親という病』） explores why highly educated parents often struggle with child-rearing, identifying key risks such as over-interference, inconsistency, and overindulgence.
• Drawing from real-life cases, Narita reveals how traits like perfectionism, misplaced early education efforts, and emotional distance can lead to issues like social withdrawal and emotional underdevelopment in children.
• The book offers neuroscience-based strategies to shift parenting from a mindset of anxiety to one of trust, advocating for more emotionally attuned, developmentally appropriate approaches.

Impressions

How Did I Discover It?

One of the books from my mother’s bookshelf. The title felt strong, and since it’s a quick read (less than 200 pages), I decided to pick it up.

Who Should Read It?

I would recommend this book to:

• Highly educated parents who are navigating parenting challenges and want to avoid common pitfalls linked to overachievement, control, or misapplied early education.
• Professionals in child development or education (e.g., pediatricians, teachers, counselors) who support families and want insight into the unique dynamics of high-achieving households.
• Those from highly educated families who are reflecting on their upbringing and seeking to understand how it shaped their mindset, behavior, or emotional patterns.

How the Book Changed Me

1. A child is not the possession of their parent, but an individual with their own personality. That’s why parenting is a journey of turning worry into trust.

Through this book, I came to realize that parenting is full of hidden pitfalls, but the most important truth is a simple one that we often forget: a child is a separate person from the parent, not their property.
The book powerfully conveyed — through real-life examples — just how difficult, yet essential, it is for parents to trust their children even when worry and anxiety dominate their thoughts.
When I become a parent, I don’t just want to “raise” my child — I want to be someone who can trust and “watch over” them with care.

2. Parenting easily falls into the unconscious patterns of the family we grew up in. That’s why it’s crucial to be self-aware of your own upbringing — and that of your partner.

Many parents tell themselves, “I won’t be like my parents,” yet end up repeating the same parenting patterns they experienced, often without realizing it. This insight resonated deeply with me.
Reading this book made me realize how important it is — not just for myself but for my future partner as well — to understand how our values were shaped by the environments we grew up in.
I want to build a family with someone who can naturally say, “I love my family,” and together, create a home rooted in mutual trust.

3. Going through a rebellious phase is actually a healthy process. It’s through parent-child conflict that kids learn how to face adversity and build resilience.

The warning that “kids who never go through a rebellious phase sometimes explode later in life” struck a chord with me. Now I understand that those periods of conflict and struggle during adolescence play a crucial role in both shaping one’s identity and building a strong parent-child relationship.
Looking back, I also had times when I clashed with my parents. That experience, though painful, helped me develop emotional resilience and the ability to manage difficult feelings.
The gratitude I feel toward my parents for not giving up on me, and the compassion I now have for my younger, anxious self, have become part of who I am today.

My Top 3 Quotes

• “The cheer of ‘Mom is doing her best for you, so you should do your best too’ may feel like being pressured to fight to a child. What parents do with good intentions can sometimes come across as ‘forced goodwill.’ The child might want to say, ‘I never asked you to do that,’ but they stay silent because speaking up would just cause trouble. A distorted relationship where one can’t freely express what they want to say becomes a source of stress for the child. The more the parent tries hard, the more the child becomes worn down.”（「あなたのためにママは頑張っているのだから、あなたも頑張って」というエールは、子どもからすれば「ファイトの押し付け」。親が「良かれと思って」やってしまうことは「善意の押し付け」かもしれません。「頼んだ覚えはないよ」と言いたいけれど反抗すると面倒だから黙ります。言いたいことを自由に言えないいびつな関係性は、子どもにとってストレスです。親が頑張れば頑張るほど、子どもは弱っていくのです。）
• “Financial self-responsibility is often seen as a major part of independence. Because parents convey this message, children may end up feeling unable to ask others for help. Being helped is seen as shameful. They don’t want to be looked down on by others. They don’t want to show weakness. This unnecessary pride gets in the way and prevents them from receiving social support. As long as they reject a helping hand, they can’t truly feel that they’re living thanks to the support of those around them. And when something goes wrong — when their heart snaps — they have no one to turn to. In that state, they can’t tap into their resilience. I often feel that this lack of resilience is affecting young people today.”（経済的な自己責任が自立の大きな要素である。そう親から伝えられるため、子どもたちは他者に助けを求められなくなるのかもしれません。助けてもらうのは恥。他者に下に見られたくない。弱い自分を見せたくない。無駄なプライドが邪魔をし、ソーシャルサポートを受けられませ ん。手を差し伸べられたくないと思っている間は、自分が周囲の人たちのおかげで生きていることを実感できません。何かがうまくいかず、こころがポキッと折れたとき誰にも頼れない。これではレジリエンスを発揮できません。 若者に、このレジリエンスのなさが響いているのではないかと感じることが多々あります。）
• “‘Highly educated parents’ are, of course, not inherently a bad thing. They tend to be highly intelligent, hardworking, and financially well-off — people who are, by nature, capable of managing things effectively. So why do they sometimes struggle with parenting? It’s because their counterpart is the ‘child’ — an unpredictable being, especially in early childhood, when emotion rules far more than logic. The success strategies that have worked for these parents until now simply don’t apply. But really, parenting has always been challenging, across all times and cultures, and for all kinds of families. What sets highly educated parents apart may be the depth of their discouragement when things don’t go well — they find themselves asking, ‘Why isn’t this working?’ and feeling that failure more intensely.”（「高学歴親」はもちろん悪いことばかりではありません。理解力が高く、努力家で、経済的にも恵まれている。本来は物事をうまく運べるはずの人たちです。では、なぜ子育てがうまくいかないかと言えば、それは相手が「子ども」という未知なるものであり、特に幼少期は論理より感情の動物であり、高学歴親のこれまでの成功体験がまるで通用しないからです。でも、子育てに困難がともなうのは、それこそ古今東西、どの家庭の親御さん でも同じはず。高学歴親は、うまくいかないときに「なんでうまくいかないの?」と落ち込む幅が大きいのだと思います。）

This book helped me connect the dots between my upbringing and the kind of future parent I hope to become.

It reminded me that intelligence, planning, and effort — however well-intentioned — can miss the mark if they aren’t paired with emotional awareness and genuine connection.

If you grew up in a high-achieving household or find yourself trying to parent from one, 高学歴親という病 (The Illness Called Highly Educated Parents) is a brief yet thought-provoking companion.

It won’t tell you what to do — but it will make you ask why you’re doing it.